So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize