If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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