I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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