My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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