i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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