At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
