I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
