I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
