i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
