Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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