And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Enjoy the penises
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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