You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
