Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
