i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
