Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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