so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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