I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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