he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
