Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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