Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
