Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
