I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
