I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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