The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we're making bets on your personal life
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
