I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
