is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
