Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
