There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
