I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Bring me that man meat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
