From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The air was thick with penises
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
