I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize