why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
