I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
