Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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