after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
