You're completely useless in the revolution.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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