Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
