He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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