It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
