It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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