new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
