he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
