Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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