Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
