one might say we're banned from that church
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
