Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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