and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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