You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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