I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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