Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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