I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
