I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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