I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
