There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
