i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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