The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
