you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize