If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
