at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
