The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
