in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ugly people sure do ruin things
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
