I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
