I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
