I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
