Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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