My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
