If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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