The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she peed on how many people?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
