..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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