I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
