There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
