So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
