bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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