so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
