He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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