I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize