We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
