I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
