Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
