That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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