Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize