it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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