My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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