i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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