Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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