I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
