you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
