i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
