As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
