The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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