I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
