I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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