Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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