hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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