sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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