Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
id be glad to
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
