I want to have your abortion
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
